Wouldn’t It Be Nice
January 4, 2012
After a short vacation I find myself back at my desk with a cold draft coming in through the window and a stack of work before me. I am not interested in doing this work, tallying useless data for someone in the department of education to pretend to look at. I feel more like writing stories, drawing pictures, getting lost in anything involving a pencil, globs of paint or a guitar string. I feel like inserting myself into a Henry Darger mural and cheering on the Vivian Girls as they fight off the Glandelinians. I feel like falling into the middle of the sea while listening to big band as the water envelops me like frosting on a cake. I feel like laying down in the hot sun while covered in dust next to a lion who has no intention of eating me for dinner. I feel like astrally projecting myself into 1910 and stealing some guys clothes. I do not feel like tallying data. I feel like eating mountains of chocolate with mint, rice krispies and espresso niblets in it. I feel like drinking ten soy lattes and not getting a stomach ache. I do not want to go to the dentist at 2:30 to get a crown that will cost me $800.00 that I do not have.I would rather just pull out the tooth. Plenty of good, kind people are missing teeth. What’s the big deal. I feel like sending out rays of light and love to all of the animals of the earth, like a nine year old girl might do as she brushes the hair on her My Little Pony. I feel like playing second base again, wearing cleats and short pants, using my glove with Carl Yastrzemski’s signature on it. I feel like smelling the seasons like I did when I lived in the suburbs, where the trees let you know what month it was. I do not feel like being at that party in high school where everyone was drinking, smoking weed and making out and I felt like an alien even though I was wearing Benetton and had cool hair. I do not feel like having that anxiety running rampant through my veins again of why does this all feel so wrong. I feel like going out dancing where they play music I actually like that isn’t bullshit crap music. Where can you go dancing around here where they play Die Antwoord and lykke li and Foster the People? Also I really feel like buying those pants I saw that I don’t have enough money for. I feel like those pants could change my life. I feel like starting school and it starts in three weeks and I am excited. I am excited to go to classes and learn new things I am interested in. Then I can continue to change and not have to collect useless data for people who wont even read it.
It is a new year. There are so many things to see, places to go, colors to ingest.
And my advice is that if you are riding the Shame Train, jump off. It is a big fat waste of a trip. Live well.
